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In this episode of The Reformed Brotherhood, Tony Arsenal delivers a careful, unflinching exposition of the Seventh Commandment — "Thou shalt not commit adultery" — drawing from the Westminster Larger Catechism, Paul's letters, and the whole counsel of Scripture. Far from a narrow prohibition on a single act, the Seventh Commandment functions as a comprehensive moral category governing all of sexual life: thought, word, affection, and behavior. Tony traces the deep scriptural connection between adultery and idolatry, explores how marriage was given by God as a protective institution, and shows why sexual purity occupies a uniquely heightened place in the Christian's sanctification. With pastoral warmth, theological precision, and welcome honesty about grace for those who have failed, this episode challenges and encourages believer and skeptic alike.
One of the most significant contributions of the Reformed tradition to Christian ethics is the understanding that the Ten Commandments function as ten moral categories, not ten isolated rules. The Seventh Commandment, "Thou shalt not commit adultery," does not merely prohibit one specific act between married persons. It establishes a comprehensive framework for all of sexual life — governing thoughts, desires, words, clothing, company, entertainment, and even cultural and civil policies around marriage. The Westminster Larger Catechism's answer to Question 138 makes this explicit, listing duties as varied as temperance, modesty in apparel, and the keeping of chaste company. This breadth is not legalistic expansion — it is simply an honest account of the territory the commandment actually covers. Understanding this prevents Christians from congratulating themselves for avoiding the grossest violations while remaining indifferent to the subtler ones.
Reformed ethics has historically placed a heavy emphasis on the duties required by each commandment, not merely the sins forbidden. This is not an accident of method — it reflects a deeply pastoral insight. If a husband is genuinely devoted to loving his wife well, cultivating their relationship, and pursuing holiness together, the question of whether to commit adultery rarely presents itself with any serious force. The catechism lists duties like "conjugal love and cohabitation," "temperance," "watchfulness over the eyes and all the senses," and "diligent labor in our callings" precisely because these positive practices build a life that is structurally resistant to sexual sin. Sanctification in this area is not primarily a matter of white-knuckling one's way past temptation — it is a matter of building habits, relationships, and patterns of life that make the temptations progressively less powerful.
Paul's argument in Ephesians 5 is frequently broken apart in a way that loses the connective tissue holding it together. The call to imitate God as beloved children is not disconnected from the subsequent warning against sexual immorality — they are part of a single extended argument. The household code Paul then delivers, including the submission of wives and the self-sacrificial love of husbands, is grounded in the mystery that marriage images the union of Christ and the Church. This means that a faithful Christian marriage — including its physical intimacy — is not merely a private arrangement between two people. It is a theological statement, a lived proclamation of the gospel, made visible to children, neighbors, and a watching world. Conversely, sexual sin does not merely damage a relationship — it distorts the very image of the gospel that God intends marriage to display.
The seventh commandment, therefore, is not just a regulation that mandates monogamy within marriage but represents, in a summary form, all of God's expectations for our sexual life.
Sexual sin is not only destructive in a particular sense, but in a very real way, it is sort of the sin that marks the unbeliever in contrast to the believer.
Not only do we have the beautiful, amazing opportunity to proclaim the gospel to ourselves, to our families, and to anyone who is watching our marriage relationships by the way we treat our spouses — we have this unique opportunity to reflect the union between God and the Church in the most intimate of ways.
[00:00:08] Tony Arsenal: Sometimes that happens. It's great when it does. It's a blessing when things just click and you just know and it proceeds on schedule. But that's not most people's experience. The classic romantic comedy that puts these unrealistic expectations of the perfect cute meet, the perfect first encounter or the perfect first date.
If it doesn't go well, if he spills ketchup on his shirt or if she bats her eyelashes at the wrong time, that's all over. We have to realize that God has given us this gift, and as those seeking to honor him and this commandment, we have to take away unnecessary barriers to allow for biblical wisdom and to allow people to take part in the gift of marriage as this sort of vaccination against inflamed passions.
As I mentioned in my prayer, we approach this topic with a little bit of fear and trembling. We'll be talking about the seventh commandment.
Uh, I will do my best to, uh, not cause uncomfortable conversations on the way home, but even reading the words of our catechism or the passages that are relevant involves language that we may not normally, um, may not normally use during polite conversation. But this is God's word, and this is our tradition, and this is a vitally important teaching for us.
So I'm gonna read from, um... I've broken the sermon up into the three questions, and I'll read each question and answer before we dig into it a little bit. The first one is, uh, obviously quite straightforward, but I will read it anyways. So if you would like to, um, this is on page nine, starting on 957 of the Trinity Hymnal in front of you.
[00:01:58] Tony Arsenal: And question 137 reads, "Which is the seventh commandment?" And the answer is, "The seventh commandment is, 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.'" Now, for a lot of reasons in our culture, uh, and in Christian culture at, you know, broadly speaking, the Ten Commandments are sort of neglected. Um, some of this in the United States comes from a dispensational perspective, which looks at the Old Testament as primarily something for a different group of people.
Um, there's also various streams of Reformed adjacent theology that would say we're under a new law, and the old law has passed away entirely, and so only that which is repeated in the New Testament is actually law for us. And even though this, uh, is, as we read, repeated in the New Testament, it's often seen as being spiritualized.
I- in the passage we read prior, Christ takes this law, and He extends it to our very, uh, internal motivations. And that sometimes is seen to say like, "Well, that old physical law, still important, we still have to follow it, but really the new spiritual law is the important thing for us to remember." But in our Reformed tradition, we don't believe that to be the case.
All of God's Word is true and meaningful and profitable for all of God's people for all of time. And particularly, the Reformed tradition is strong in understanding that the Ten Commandments is not just these ten discrete laws that govern these ten behaviors that really that's all they're talking about.
Historically, we've understood, and this is not super unique to the Reformed tradition, but it is in our modern context to see it this way. The Ten Commandments really function as ten moral categories. We understand that the, the law of God, the moral law of God, which is a reflection of His righteous and holy nature, is baked into the fabric of reality such that all people at all times are governed by it and obligated by it, regardless of their, um, regardless of their faith in Christ or whatever religion they may hold or whatever, whatever moral precepts that are contrary to this law.
That doesn't matter. This is built into reality, and it reflects God's character, and all people are bound by it. And so the Ten Commandments function as these ten categories that govern basically all of our moral instruction. The first four govern how we relate to God, how we are to worship Him, how we are to think about Him.
The back six govern how we are to interact with our neighbors, particularly, I think, in this with our spouses and with our families. Different commandments have different focuses and different sort of spheres of, of influence in society. And the seventh commandment governs our family relations and our relations with our neighbors in a very particular way.
The seventh commandment, therefore, is not just a regulation that mandates monogamy within marriage but represents, in a summary form, all of God's expectations for our sexual life And although dying to sin and living to righteousness is the progress of sanctification related to the law, and it affects everything, and it, it's related to every law, the scripture seemed to place a particular emphasis on this commandment and the broad category as a sort of overall supreme sign of our sanctification.
We'll touch briefly on it later, but Paul actually says, "This is your sanctification, that you, uh, you abstain from sexual immorality." So there's an identity and a correlation between obedience to the seventh commandment and sanctification that is heightened compared to some of the other commandments And conversely, Paul also teaches that violation of this commandment is a particularly grievous and destructive sin.
All sin brings forth death. All sin is worthy of death, but we understand that some sins are worse than others.
[00:06:02] Tony Arsenal: So if you'll, um, take your Bible and turn over to Romans 1, I'm gonna be reading verses 18 through 27, 'cause I think it's important for us to ground that reality in the scriptures before we proceed.
So I'll be reading, uh, Romans 1:18 through 27
And it reads, "For God's wrath-- for the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.
So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them up to their dishonorable passions.
For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error." What Paul is teaching here is, is something we see across the entire scripture, and it doesn't jump out immediately when you read it.
But there is a, uh, a parallel or a rhyming-ness to the sin of idolatry and the sin of adultery. And the scripture very frequently calls idolatry in the Old Testament a form of spiritual adultery, and that will become very important when we get to the sort of the application portion of this sermon. But it's important for us to understand that connection.
Our relationship with God is directly reflected both as, primarily as the church as a whole, but as our, our faith and our union with Christ as individuals is reflected in this marriage purity language that we see. And that's why this parallel between adultery and idolatry is so specific And in fact, our sexuality is so corrupted by sin that it is not only the cause of destruction, but it's actually what God uses to deliver further judgment.
I think that we look around at our culture sometimes and we're shocked at the depravity that we see, particularly in this ar- area. But I think if we're reading our Bibles carefully and we're thinking through this, we really shouldn't be. Because the, the perversion of sexuality in our culture is not, uh, the first domino to fall.
It's actually one of the last dominoes that have, has fallen in our culture. And we're not going to get into that, and there's a lot of political commentary that could be made, but the reality is that our culture went down the road of, uh, disobeying and dishonoring and ignoring and refusing to give gratitude to God, first in small ways, and then later in bigger ways, and then finally, God has given us over to the place that we're in
Paul also teaches in 1 Corinthians 6 that we're to flee from sexual immorality, for every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but sexual immorality, the sexual immoral person sins against his own body. There's a certain kind of insanity tied to sexual sin. Now, all sin is destructive, and there are other sins that are reflective and damaging to our body.
The sin of gluttony is, is no less a sin than sexual sin is, and it damages our body, and in some ways it may even damage our body physically more than sexual sin. But sexual sin is the only sin that I'm aware of in the scripture that has this real specific connection. And so this commandment is important because it, not only does it represent when we are successful by the power of the Spirit and the grace of God, when we're successful at obeying this commandment, it represents a high water mark in our sanctification.
But it's also important for us to understand because in a very real sense, it is destructive in a way that other sins simply are not As I said, Paul teaches again in first, uh, Thessalonians four. He says, "For this is the will of God for your san- sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passions of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God."
Sexual sin is not only destructive in a particular sense, but in a very real way, it is sort of the sin that marks the unbeliever in contrast to the believer. There are lots of, uh, really kind, generous, nice atheists. There are lots of really kind, generous, nice Mormons and Muslims. And sure, there are even some out there that have similar sexual ethics to us.
But when it all comes down to it, when you look at the history of, um, of this topic, Christianity has played a very particular role, and Paul's teaching, contrary to being oppressive, actually is very liberating in this area. And we'll get into some of that in a little bit.
[00:12:01] Tony Arsenal: And so serious is this sin that God has provided a unique specific institution designed by him, which is in part intended to help protect us against this.
He provided us with marriage as a means by which we may find safe harbor against this most intimate of sins. He gives us the Spirit. He gives us, um, practical wisdom in the scriptures, uh, to avoid other sins, but he baked into the nature of marriage the idea that this was going to be something that people struggle with, and he gave us marriage as a way to protect ourselves against that
[00:12:41] Tony Arsenal: So now we can get into the commandment itself. So if you can, um, again, if you would like, you can grab your Trinity hymnals
This is a relatively detailed answer. Um, most of the commandments, uh, are very detailed. Um, I'm not going to try to dig into every single, uh, topic, every single sin or duty. Um, my goal really, um, both for the sake of brevity but also for the sake of keeping this sermon somewhat PG, uh, is to give a high overview of what's being talked about here.
And so question one thirty-eight reads: What are the duties required in the Seventh Commandment? The answer is the duties required in the Seventh Commandment are chastity in body, mind, and affections, words and behavior, and the preservation of it in ourselves and others. Watchfulness over the eyes and all the senses, temperance, keeping of chaste company, modesty in apparel, marriage by those that have not the gift of continency, conjugal love and cohabitation, diligent labor in our callings, shunning all occasions of uncleanness and resisting temptations thereon too Now our tradition does something that is, again, not entirely unique, but is, I think, um, has been lost in much of the Christian tradition, is it understands that even when God forbids something in scripture, most of the Ten Commandments are negative.
They're prohibitions. They're things we ought not to do. Even when he does that, our tradition understands that when he f- when he forbids something, he commands the opposite. And in many senses, we actually understand that, um, we ought to think of the things that are forbidden, and the best way to fight against those things is to pursue the duties that are required in relation to that In this case, um, the duties, uh, required in this, um, question require us to maintain a diligence and purity that extends not just to our physical actions, but to our minds, affections, and words.
I mentioned, uh, sort of in the intro that there, there are those out there who would sort of say Christ elevated this commandment by extending it to lusting, and ex-extending it to our mental processes as well as our physical actions. But the tenth commandment, uh, which is down the road, of course, um, is to not covet, which is an internal mechanism.
And so all of the commandments, whether... A-and of course worshiping God is an internal mechanism primarily. All of the commandments have a mixture built into them of internal and external features. It's hard to read the Book of Proverbs, and especially hard to understand the Book of Song of Solomon, if you have this idea that the only thing God prohibits in the Old Testament is the actual physical act that violates this, um, this commandment.
And more so than that, we're also to exercise caution and diligence in even what we expose ourselves to. We should be very careful what we take into our minds, so we don't inflame our passions. It's very easy, even in small ways, to, uh, consume media or to have acquaintances or work relationships that tend towards adultery.
They tend towards sexual impurity. And so our, uh, our... The Bible and our standards move us towards this understanding that not only ought we to protect ourselves against the physical things, right? The Billy Graham rule is a great, wise, practical thing for us to, to follow. For those who aren't familiar, Billy Graham and many people, many public figures, had a rule that he would never be alone in a room with a woman who was not his wife.
And there's all sorts of debates about the effectiveness of that, whether it's appropriate or not. At the end of the day, it's probably just good wisdom, but that rule doesn't mean a lot if your heart is still set on adultery. First of all, because you will find a way to violate the rule, and second of all, because you've already committed adultery in your heart with the person you're harboring these feelings for, regardless of whether you're ever alone with them And the diligence to, to, um, exercising this extends to all of life's pleasures.
[00:17:08] Tony Arsenal: One thing that surprised me as I was preparing for this is that when you read the sources, when you read the classic, uh, literature, they talk about things like not overeating, like not engaging in unnecessary frivolity that sort of takes your eye off the prize. Now, I'm not going to tell you that, like, you can't enjoy a funny comedy or that you can't have a really good meal.
I actually think those are things we should and ought to do. But any of those things to excess not only represent, in some sense, the violation of this in that we are utilizing our bodies for our pleasure in a way that God didn't intend, but they also tend us towards those things. Uh, there've been all sorts of studies done, and if I, I was thinking more clearly, I would have pulled a few of them.
But there's been all sorts of studies that show that willpower, the ability to resist, um, a, some sort of stimulus, is an actual finite resource in your brain. They've been able to measure the chemical that, uh, that is consumed when we resist a desire. And there's a reason why it's a lot harder to not eat a pint of ice cream after the kids go to bed than it is to, uh, than it is to not eat a pint of ice cream before the kids get up.
Right? I've never eaten a pint of ice cream before the kids get up. I may have eaten a pint of ice cream after they go to sleep. It's because our willpower is shot at the end of the day, and if we spend all of our time trying to resist the pint of ice cream or the second glass of wine or the third episode of whatever TV show we're watching because we're overindulging in those things, that still depletes that resource.
And when it comes to sexual sin now, we no longer have that resource. And so our tradition in the Bible wisely teaches that we ought to not overindulge in any pleasures of the flesh, full stop, but especially in resist- in relation to resisting this temptation. And lastly, one of the duties that I think comes to a surprise, um, for many Christians is that this command actually requires those who do not have the gift of continency, which I'll explain what that is, it commands them to get married, to live with their spouse, and to regularly enjoy sexual intimacy with each other That is a stunning un- uh, unappreciated element of what the Bible teaches in relation to this, is that not only I think we've all probably heard God created sex.
He wants us to enjoy it with our spouses. He wants it to be, you know, it didn't have to be pleasurable. It didn't have to be something that was enjoyable. But He wants us to enjoy that. He wants us to enjoy our family and enjoy our wife that way or our husband that way. He wants us to make babies. He wants us to raise families and that's all related to this.
[00:19:53] Tony Arsenal: Paul teaches this in 1 Corinthians 7. I'll read the passage. It says, "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband.
For the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer. But then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Now as a concession, not as a command, I say this. I wish that all were as myself, as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one to another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
Now I, um, I came to faith in 1998, right in the height of kind of the teen mania, uh, everybody needs to go on missions trips to Third World countries or you're not really a Christian, and if you don't do that, then you're, you know, you're, you're probably sinning. And of course, you can't do that if you get married young.
So if you're gonna get married at all, you should really just wait as long as you can so you can get all the good stuff out of the way, and then maybe somewhere down the road you can, can do that if you have to. And that was often called the gift of singleness, right? And there's, there's a long-running joke that the gift of singleness is like the gift that nobody asked for and can't give back.
But the Bible doesn't talk about a gift of singleness, and our tradition doesn't talk about a gift of singleness. What it talks about is a gift of continency. And this is a word, um, that you probably hear if you're in the medical field or if you have aging family members or if you yourself are aging. Um, continency is the ability to control your bodily functions.
That's what the word means. And so when we talk about the gift of continency, when our standards talk about this or when Paul talks about this, this fact that everyone has their own gift and he wishes everyone had this gift, he is not teaching that he wishes no one would get married. In fact, and we, we didn't go there, but in 1 Corinthians, all of this teaching that is about, um, marriage being sort of not the ideal option is in light of the present distress, which is a phrase he uses earlier.
And scholars think this probably had to do with a grain famine that was, uh, was hitting Corinth as a result of a large earthquake. And so Paul is not saying universally it's good for people not to get married. He gives us instructions for how to raise our kids. He gives us instructions for how to treat our families, to treat our wives and our husbands.
So it wouldn't make a lot of sense for him then also to be like, "But by the way, just don't get married." What he's saying here is if you have the ability to control your bodily passions, if you have the ability to not be inflamed by these passions and to not sin in this way, then yes, it would be best for you to utilize that very unique ability, that very unique gift from God to control your passions, to control yourself, and not to be inflamed.
It would be best for you to use that for the kingdom, not to be distracted by the burdens of this world. But even within that context, he says unambiguously and unqualified, "This is not a command. I am not commanding you not to get married. This is a concession recognizing that not everybody has the capacity for this.
But if you do, then you should think about that But he concludes this by saying, "It is better to marry than to burn with passion." He is teaching us that God gave us the institution of marriage and all of the benefits therein to protect us from being overly inflamed with passion
[00:23:55] Tony Arsenal: This is something that can be so distorted in our culture too. And when I say our culture, I'm referring to our, our conservative Reformed culture. There are many, even within our own tradition, even within our own Orthodox Presbyterian Church, who would take this teaching that the wife's not having authority over her body and the husband doesn't have authority over his, that you should, you should come together, that you should not withhold from each other.
They would take this in a very abusive, exploitive sense, and I won't get into details about what that means. I think we probably all know situations or have read about situations where that's the case. The Bible is not teaching that it is the absolute mandate and right to demand intimacy whenever you would like it.
That is abusive and exploitative. It is also not teaching that there may not be medical reasons why that's not possible for a time or for a season or ever. There are people who have medical conditions, para- paralysis, other things that make intimacy in this way impossible. And so although we should read this in light of this and be thankful that we may not be in that circumstance, we should also recognize that this is, is ripe for abuse
[00:25:09] Tony Arsenal: And now I, I wanna turn over to the, the sins that are forbidden. And this is question 139
It says, what are the sins forbidden in the seventh commandment? And the answer is, the sins forbidden in the seventh commandment, besides the neglect of the duties required, are adultery, fornication, rape, incest, sodomy, and all unnatural lusts. All unclean imaginations, thoughts, purposes, and affections, all corrupt or filthy communications or listening thereunto, wanton looks, impudent or light behavior, immodest apparel, prohibiting of lawful and dispensing with unlawful marriages, allowing, tolerating, keeping of stews, and resorting to them, entangling vows of single life, undue delays of marriage, having more than one, one wives or husbands than one at a time, unjust divorce or desertion, idleness, gluttony, drunkenness, unchaste company, lascivious songs, books, pictures, dancing, stage plays, and all other provocations to or acts of uncleanness, either in ourselves or others
As I mentioned, our, our Reformed tradition tends to emphasize the duties required in these commandments, not to the exclusion of, but I think almost to the advantage of the sins forbidden. That's why in this, um, this, uh, question and answer, the first thing that we're required to do or the first thing we're forbidden from doing is to not do the positive duties.
So all of what we just talked about, if we fulfill those duties, if we're diligent to seek after and fulfill those duties, obedience in not, um, not doing the prohibited things will come rather naturally. If we are diligent to be faithful husbands and wives, to adorn ourselves modestly, to be cautious and mindful of the way we're presenting ourselves to the world, to be thoughtful of the way that our actions in dress and behavior may affect others negatively, and to not overindulge in the sins of the flesh or the pleasures of the flesh in any area, then the things that are forbidden, um, I, I dare say come nat- so naturally that we may not need to think that much about them.
If you're a good husband or a good wife, thinking about, "I, I better not commit adultery today," is probably not the most forefront thing you have to do. If you're constantly focused on maintaining your beneficial, positive sexual relationship with your spouse, most of this stuff falls into place
The Divines, um, divide this into a couple different categories. The first is what you might call natural sexual sins in unsanctioned relationships. And this is important in our culture because I think w- because of lots of different things, we tend to view sexual sin across the board as sort of one category.
And adultery and fornication, which is sex outside of marriage, we look at that and say, "That's just as bad as these other sort of, uh, corruptions of nature." And I don't think that we should do that. I think we should recognize that although these are grave sins, they're not sins against nature in the same way that homosexuality or incest might be.
And so these divisions are not new to this era. The Divines obviously understood that these things were occurring. There's teaching in the Bible about it that we'll, we'll get to. But we should recognize that even in those natural relations, there is a proper context, and to, to engage in these relations outside of that context is sin Next, we might talk about exploitative sexual sins, where one, one party in the sexual en- encounter is a victim.
Uh, we won't go into more detail than that. I think it's, it's clear enough. And then the last category would be the unnatural sexual sins, which would be sins that are so grossly a violation of nature that they fall into that Romans 1 category, where not only are they so grievously wrong, but if we're actually listening to our own bodies and our own nature and our own instincts, we understand that they are not only wrong, but they are in some sense revulsive.
There's an ick factor that we have to actively overcome if we're going to engage in these other unnatural sexual sins. They then proceed to talk about sexual sins of the mind, which would include any mental process, intention, or desire that is contrary to God's design for marriage. I think we often hear arguments that, uh, sinful desires are not themselves sinful unless we dwell on them or engage on them.
The way I often heard this taught when I was coming up through kind of youth group era, um, and sort of general evangelicalism, was that if I see a pretty girl walk by and a stray lustful thought pops into my head, as long as I don't dwell on it or act on it, that that's just fine, and that is farthest from the truth.
The reality is that those things arise from our sinful nature. The reason that it happens, that when an attractive member of the opposite gender walks by, that you even take notice, and that you think a thought that you shouldn't think, it comes from our sin, and it is itself sinful. This has not been so much of a challenge in our, uh, in our OPC context, but our brothers and sisters in the PCA have been going through a multi- multi-decade long battle fighting against this theology, and the argument is used to say, "Well, it's totally fine for people to be same-sex attracted.
That's just fine. It's... As long as they don't act on it, it's fine." Now, we have to acknowledge that none of us is fully in control or even partially in control of all of our thoughts at all times. We can acknowledge that sinful thoughts overtake us, and we can celebrate the victory when we're able to overcome them, and we often are able to overcome them.
There's good wisdom in what used to be called the, the bounce your eyes method, where something that catches your attention walks by or passes in your vision, and you bounce your eyes away from it. But that is because we are sinful. It doesn't, uh, it doesn't validate us or vindicate us from that sin The Reformed tradition has always understood what the Bible teaches, is that we are required to love the Lord our God with our entire mind, our entire soul, and our entire strength at all times.
And the second we entertain a sinful thought or even have a sinful thought, that's because we are not loving the Lord our God with our whole being at that moment. Again, we're not fully in control of that, but we can recognize that this arises from our sinful nature and war against it
[00:32:05] Tony Arsenal: This also extends, and, and Tim gave me a heads up I needed to do a little historical research on this, it extends to this strange phrase of not maintaining or resorting to stews. What a stew was in the 17th century is a public bathhouse. I don't think it comes from the same etymology as the sort of thick soup that we use.
Um, but it, it, it was a public bathhouse that apart from the fact that a public bathhouse is just ripe for us to not only have sinful thoughts of the mind, but to engage in, in outright sinful behavior, it was al- also often a front for prostitution. And where this applies to us is that we all participate in the consumer world that we're in.
Some of us are business owners. Some of us work in secular vocations. All of us shop in, in various secular places. We ought to be thoughtful about the way that we utilize our labor and our money and whether or not this commandment requires us to make a different decision. I'm not gonna try to tell you that this means you shouldn't shop at Target because they have extra rainbows up this month.
That is a decision that is between you and the Holy Spirit, and if you're really concerned about it, with your pastor and elders. And have those conversations. I'm not saying you shouldn't think about that. I'm not saying you have to shop at Target or anywhere else for that matter. I'm saying that this commandment requires us to think those thoughts and have those conversations This extends again to the choices of businesses we run or support.
Another modern parallel might be thinking about the, the clothing that is worn at the, uh, the restaurants that we go to. Some restaurants have as a brand that they only employ beautiful women who wear tight clothing. I will go out on a limb and say Christians probably should not be going to those restaurants.
I'm not gonna try to bind your conscience, and I'm open to hearing arguments otherwise, I've just never heard them before. And I run... I, I, I've run in a lot of circles with a lot of young re- restless Reformed men who really want to make those arguments, and they've never been able to successfully convince me that going to those restaurants or watching shows with lots of, uh, skimpy clothing is somehow not a violation of this commandment Similar to question 138, this also extends to any action that might prevent those or hinder those who do not have the gift of continency from fulfilling their, uh, obligations.
So not only does that, uh, extend to us dressing modestly, acting modestly, being cautious even in contexts like this about how we talk about these subjects, it extends to the way that we think about and legislate both in the civil realm and in our own sort of ecclesiological realms, in the church realms, how we think about marriage.
Are we putting unnecessary barriers, cultural barriers, legal barriers, um, societal barriers? Are we putting unnecessary barriers to young men and women finding spouses and getting married? I think that in the broader culture, the answer is absolutely yes. If you get married at twenty-three, twenty-four years old, you are seen as sort of a little bit crazy.
Our culture has made it the case that most women are not getting married until they're approaching the end of their childbearing years. That is just insanity for a culture, and it cannot, cannot survive. It can't last. But even more than that, I think there are times where even our own concepts of love and how love is required for marriage and how love develops within, within a courting relationship or a dating relationship, even thinking that there must be this spark, that there must be soulmates, or that you must somehow just know the moment you meet a person that they're the one.
They might be. Sometimes that happens. It, it, it, it's great when it does. It's a blessing when it does, when things just click and you just know and it just proceeds on, on schedule. But that's not most people's experience. The classic roma-- you know, romantic comedy that puts these unrealistic expectations of the perfect cute meet, the perfect first encounter or the perfect first date.
And if it doesn't go well, if he spills ketchup on his shirt or if she bats her eyelashes at the wrong time, well, that's all over. We have to realize that God has given us this gift, and as those who are seeking to honor him and to honor this commandment, we have to take away any unnecessary barriers to be able to allow for biblical wisdom and to be able to allow people to take part in the gift of marriage as this sort of vaccination against inflamed passions.
[00:37:00] Tony Arsenal: And I wanted to spend, um, sort of the, the last time we have talking about why this is a big deal. We've, we talked about why the Bible puts such an emphasis on it, why it's such an important topic. But it is important for us to understand that not only does this sin represent kind of a low watermark in our own depravity and corruption, and success in this area represents a high watermark in our sanctification and our pr- progress in holiness.
But both of those things are true because sexual intimacy, to an extent, and marriage ex- like specifically in the scripture, is a picture of what Christ is doing with his people. Now, we can get in a lot of trouble, and there have been lots of people that have gotten in a lot of trouble, by pressing the analogy that Paul uses in Ephesians far, Ephesians 5 too far into the explicit realm.
There was a, a, a pastor who wrote a, I think a pretty salacious book to get at some of what the commandment teaches, a pretty salacious book that made some pretty, um, I think blasphemous comparisons between the union of, that Christ has with his church and what husbands and wives do with each other. But if we strip that away from the fact of marriage, if we totally say, well, when Paul says that marriage is this picture of the, the bridegroom, the heavenly bridegroom and his earthly bride, if we strip away any part of, um, the sexuality of marriage from that, we lose a lot of actually what's going on
Let's turn, uh, to Ephesians 5. I know we're tight on time, but I, I think this is important enough for us to, to invest a little bit more in it here I'm gonna read, um, I'm gonna read the whole chapter, but we're only gonna talk a- about a little bit of it here. Starting in verse one of, of chapter five of Ephesians, he says, "Walk, uh, therefore be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not be even named among you as it is pr- as is proper among the saints. Let there be no filthiness or foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead, let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure or who is covetousness, or who is covetous, that is an idolater, has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ or God.
Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things, the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore, do not become partners with them. For at one time you were darkness, and now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light, for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true, and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by light, it becomes visible. For anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says, 'Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'"
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best of the time because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God, the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that he might be hol- that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way, husbands who love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself, for no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. Because we are members of his body, therefore man shall leave his fa- father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Now, we tend to hear parts of this chapter disconnected from other parts. We read or hear, "Therefore be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
We read that or we hear it preached or we study a book study, and this gets broken out as sort of general wisdom for the Christian. And it is general wisdom for the Christian. But when we look just one verse or a couple verses down, what's the contrary to imitating God here? It's sexual immorality and impurity.
This whole chapter, we don't have time to do much more of an exegetical look at this, but this whole chapter contains these strings of connective, uh, logical words. And those are really hard to bring into English. Some of that, it's just super clunky, and there's a lot of therefores and senses and, and just things that we don't use in our regular language.
But when we lose those connectors, what we lose is that this whole chapter is an extended argument starting with imitating Christ, imitating God, by not engaging in sexual immorality, to then not talking, even talking about these things, but being children of the light, to looking carefully how we walk, not as unwise, but as wise.
Well, what is the way we would walk unwise? It's engaging in sexual immorality What's the way that we are to protect ourselves against this? Well, in, in one part, active faithful church membership, accountability in the body of Christ. But in another sense, Paul goes right back to what he was teaching in 1 Corinthians, "Submit to your husbands as in the Lord, for the wife is the head of the ch- uh, the head of, the husband is the head of the wife as the, as Christ is the head of the church."
Right? The relationship between a man and his wife, including the sexual relationship they have, is all part of this. We are to be chaste within marriage, we are to be chaste if we're outside of marriage. But this is what it is to be a Christian husband or a Christian wife. It is to reflect the goodness and love between the church and God, between the church and Christ, in a way that is undeniable to the world.
And so not only do we have the beautiful, amazing opportunity to proclaim the gospel to ourselves, to our families, and to anyone who is watching our marriage relationships by the way we treat our spouses, by the way we raise our children together, but we have this unique opportunity to reflect the union between God and the church in the most intimate of ways, in that in a very real sense, a man becomes one with his wife in marriage.
And all that entails, Christ becomes one with the church in that they are one body. Christ is the head, and we are his body. There is this union and unity that, again, if we strip away, uh, any element of sexual intimacy from what Paul is talking about, we lose that. Again, propriety, temperance, modesty, all the things that we're commanded to do, we have to, we have to talk about this with those in mind.
We also have to land that.
[00:45:17] Tony Arsenal: And one thing I'll, I'll close with, it is very hard to preach a sermon or to exhort a congregation from the law and not get trapped in legalism. And this is a little, a little ad hoc and a little clunky, but I would be silly to think that in a, a congregation this size, that there are not people in the room who have regrets about their sexual past.
It would be equally silly to not understand that there are people in this room who will have regrets about their sexual future. As much as we, we teach ourselves, we are going to make mistakes, and we pray, we pray that these mistakes are as minor as they possibly can be, but there... we're gonna make mistakes.
This is not the unforgivable sin Whether it is a, a gross violation of these, whether you did it before becoming a Christian or after becoming a Christian, there is just as much grace from God for this sin as there is for any other sin. And so this is the gospel, loved ones, is that even when we, in the corruption of our natures, distort and, uh, damage the very gospel that God wants us to preach by sinning sexually, by destroying our marriages or damaging our marriages, setting a poor example for the culture around us or a poor example for our children, this is still the gospel that he loves us, that he washes us, he sanctifies us.
I think this is in part why Paul says that this is the will of God for our sanctification. He's moving us forward to something. He's progressing us forward to something. And as we, as we make progress in obedience to this commandment, we actually reflect him more and more, which isn't that just what sanctification is?
This is a tough one, and I think it's something that we have to continue to come back to and study. We have to talk about it with our children when it's appropriate and in appropriate ways. We have to, we have to stand firm even though it probably will cost us in our secular vocations especially. There is a cost societally for us doing the right thing in order to obey this commandment So that's my prayer for us, is that we do stand strong, and we recognize the gospel, and that we do reflect this beautiful union of Christ with the Church as we strive for this obedience.